The big picture is often overlooked. For some reason a lot of us only think about right now or tomorrow, when we should be looking ahead. I know the scriptures tell us not to worry about tomorrow, but that's not really what I am getting at. A lot of times, we see ourselves unhappy in the moment and cannot seem to get ourselves out of a certain mood, therefore, it affects everyone in the family. I am definitely guilty of this!!! Some days I can't see past that very hour or that very day!! My hope is that we can all see into the future for our children and for our spouses.
Just in talking with friends and getting into deep discussion, I see that we all have about the same issues. What makes the difference is the way we deal with these issues. We can all be a little more patient or give our spouse a little more time. Some people have to resolve issues immediately and some of us want a little more space. If you can create a "rule book" for one another, maybe you can resolve issues smoothly. It is always a challenge at our house! The only thing you can do is be considerate of your spouses feelings. Try to put yourself in their shoes. I was recently on a ten day trip without my spouse and as I was going along, I realized how much I do rely on him. I know we do things differently, but it made me realize how much teamwork is really involved. I came home missing him like crazy and hoping that I could learn a lesson, which is not taking him for granted!! One lesson on teamwork ladies, is if you need help from your husband, you should ask!!! He will never know how much you need him until you let him know. Tell him your feelings and give him time to accept what you say. Men sometimes take our feelings as an attack when it is anything but that. You should take time to explain your well thought out feelings and do it at a time when the children are preoccupied or over a nice date night!!! At first, your spouse may be surprised by what he is hearing, but if the two of you make time each week to sit down and share your feeling with each other, it will help you reach your future goals TOGETHER! So many people these days are giving up on each other. If we can just see the future as a team and know that whatever the current struggle is WILL pass, we can make our marriages stronger and make more of it. It was recently brought to my attention by a friend, that the marriages she observed, no longer seemed to have passion. Can we pull each other closer? Give more kisses (that last more than one second), touch each other lovingly? The more you try to show love to your spouse, the more natural it becomes. Ladies, can we welcome our husbands home from work with a smile or "how was your day" instead of unloading on them about how bad our day was? Men, can you give your wife the night off once a week? These small changes can make a huge difference in the way we feel about one another.
The future is a huge part of RIGHT NOW. Take the time to enjoy your spouse while you can. Each phase of life passes quickly and we are thrown right into something else we didn't expect. No one can prepare you for the things in your life. You have to take it and make the best of your circumstances. Sometimes when the children do not agree on something, I tell them to sit on the steps until they can come to an agreement, and they are not allowed to get up until the agreement is made. Maybe we should also do this in our marriages! Do not take your spouse for granted....God has not promised us tomorrow, but it never hurts to plan ahead. If you are not giving your best to your family, then who [or what] are you giving your best to?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Does my spouse have a reason to doubt me?
I am always trying to find the best solutions for my family and my marriage so we can work as a team and function properly. In our family, we always ask each other, "Are you playing for the front of the jersey or the back?" Our children know what the correct answer is, although, they don't always have the right attitude. I find myself trying to teach my children how to treat others, then I turn around and act unkind to my husband. Ultimately, the children will do what I do, not what I say to do....so when I was at church today, the message spoke so clearly to me how to make my marriage/family solid and to last.
Try this. Draw a triangle. Put your first initial at the bottom left and your spouses first initial at the bottom right. Now write God at the top of the triangle. Now from the bottom of the triangle to the top, write 1)NO DOUBT= trust 2)NO HOLDING BACK= fair fights 3)NO OPTION= good decisions 4)NO EXCUSE= accountability 5)NO TURNING BACK= results
Now study the triangle from bottom to top, and realize that if you and your spouse start from number one and work your way up, you will be working as a team.
Explaination?
Number one, no doubt is when you have complete trust in one another...no secrets, nothing to hide!! (Wow, don't we all have some tiny secret?) No trust= No team! Ask yourself...Can I be trusted? You know the answer to this question, so if you said no, do what you need to do to fix it!
Number 2, no holding back means come clean! When your spouse knows all your secrets, all your feelings...everything you know then you are rowing in the same direction! Now that you have come clean, you can fight fair!! This leads us to the next item....
Number 3, no option....now that you are fighting fair, you can make good decisions TOGETHER!! You are beginning to look more like a team!!
Number 4, no excuse means you are now accountable to one another!! Now that you have come clean (and no longer have separate accounts so that you can hide your purchases, LOL!) you no longer have anything to hide and you and your spouse can talk about anything.
Number 5, no turning back means that you are in it to win it!!!! You are together for the long haul, and why not? Now you have results if you did steps 1-4.
Your goal in life should be to give your spouse no reason to doubt you....but to totally trust you in every aspect of your life. So ask yourself again, "Can I be trusted?" Make sure there are no "locked doors" in your marriage such as lust or money to name a few. And if there are....the best thing you can do is OWN IT. If you never own up to something, it seems people always remember that you were wrong in that situation. But if you ADMIT that you were wrong or that you made a mistake, people tend to forget that it ever happened. Humility goes a long way in your marriage (and other relationships).
Remember: No doubt= Trust! Own your mistakes! Where truth is lacking, trust is lacking. No trust= No team!!
Let's all work towards making our family a team. Our children are smart enough to figure out when we are not working together and they need to see their parents teamwork in order to thrive at school and one day, when they are all grown up, in their own marriage!
Try this. Draw a triangle. Put your first initial at the bottom left and your spouses first initial at the bottom right. Now write God at the top of the triangle. Now from the bottom of the triangle to the top, write 1)NO DOUBT= trust 2)NO HOLDING BACK= fair fights 3)NO OPTION= good decisions 4)NO EXCUSE= accountability 5)NO TURNING BACK= results
Now study the triangle from bottom to top, and realize that if you and your spouse start from number one and work your way up, you will be working as a team.
Explaination?
Number one, no doubt is when you have complete trust in one another...no secrets, nothing to hide!! (Wow, don't we all have some tiny secret?) No trust= No team! Ask yourself...Can I be trusted? You know the answer to this question, so if you said no, do what you need to do to fix it!
Number 2, no holding back means come clean! When your spouse knows all your secrets, all your feelings...everything you know then you are rowing in the same direction! Now that you have come clean, you can fight fair!! This leads us to the next item....
Number 3, no option....now that you are fighting fair, you can make good decisions TOGETHER!! You are beginning to look more like a team!!
Number 4, no excuse means you are now accountable to one another!! Now that you have come clean (and no longer have separate accounts so that you can hide your purchases, LOL!) you no longer have anything to hide and you and your spouse can talk about anything.
Number 5, no turning back means that you are in it to win it!!!! You are together for the long haul, and why not? Now you have results if you did steps 1-4.
Your goal in life should be to give your spouse no reason to doubt you....but to totally trust you in every aspect of your life. So ask yourself again, "Can I be trusted?" Make sure there are no "locked doors" in your marriage such as lust or money to name a few. And if there are....the best thing you can do is OWN IT. If you never own up to something, it seems people always remember that you were wrong in that situation. But if you ADMIT that you were wrong or that you made a mistake, people tend to forget that it ever happened. Humility goes a long way in your marriage (and other relationships).
Remember: No doubt= Trust! Own your mistakes! Where truth is lacking, trust is lacking. No trust= No team!!
Let's all work towards making our family a team. Our children are smart enough to figure out when we are not working together and they need to see their parents teamwork in order to thrive at school and one day, when they are all grown up, in their own marriage!
Monday, January 26, 2009
The only course on marriage our children will take is the one in their home
I came across an interesting book from my past that is talking about your relationship with your spouse. I just want to share a few paragraphs from that book that I thought could benefit all of us.
One point the author made was that the husband should love his wife 100 percent and the wife should be 100 percent submissive to her husband. In other words, as the husband loves his wife, she is willing to be submissive to him. As the wife submits to her husband, his love for her will surely grow.
What kind of love should a husband bring?... a strong, stable, mental attitude, always seeking nothing but the highest good for the one he loves. It is a love expressed in word and action that motivates the one being loved to give of herself in return.
Submission is described as a free gift that springs up from within the wife like lifegiving water bubbling up from a fresh well, not something imposed through intimidation or other outside force.
What I gathered from this section is that when you both willingly give your best effort to one another, you both want to give everything you are supposed to (which is whatever the two of you have agreed on, not what society says). If these two attitudes of love and submission are ignored, diffuculty looms ahead.
Another thought that really stood out to me was this..."The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. The home should be the most attractive place in the world to the children, and the mother should be the greatest attraction."
"Without a warm atmosphere in your home and marriage- an atmosphere of love, gererosity, and forgiveness- your children will not know how to love. The only person who knows how to love is the person who has been loved, who has seen love, who has experienced love. The Christian home is a laboratory in which the love of God is demonstrated."
The only way our children can grow up and have healthy relationships is if we teach them how....they are watching us even when we think they are not. It is never too late to have a healthy relationship with your spouse!! The only course on marriage our children will take is the one in their home. Applying heavenly principles to a marriage can produce a heaven on earth!!! I know I want that!
One point the author made was that the husband should love his wife 100 percent and the wife should be 100 percent submissive to her husband. In other words, as the husband loves his wife, she is willing to be submissive to him. As the wife submits to her husband, his love for her will surely grow.
What kind of love should a husband bring?... a strong, stable, mental attitude, always seeking nothing but the highest good for the one he loves. It is a love expressed in word and action that motivates the one being loved to give of herself in return.
Submission is described as a free gift that springs up from within the wife like lifegiving water bubbling up from a fresh well, not something imposed through intimidation or other outside force.
What I gathered from this section is that when you both willingly give your best effort to one another, you both want to give everything you are supposed to (which is whatever the two of you have agreed on, not what society says). If these two attitudes of love and submission are ignored, diffuculty looms ahead.
Another thought that really stood out to me was this..."The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. The home should be the most attractive place in the world to the children, and the mother should be the greatest attraction."
"Without a warm atmosphere in your home and marriage- an atmosphere of love, gererosity, and forgiveness- your children will not know how to love. The only person who knows how to love is the person who has been loved, who has seen love, who has experienced love. The Christian home is a laboratory in which the love of God is demonstrated."
The only way our children can grow up and have healthy relationships is if we teach them how....they are watching us even when we think they are not. It is never too late to have a healthy relationship with your spouse!! The only course on marriage our children will take is the one in their home. Applying heavenly principles to a marriage can produce a heaven on earth!!! I know I want that!
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