I am always trying to find the best solutions for my family and my marriage so we can work as a team and function properly. In our family, we always ask each other, "Are you playing for the front of the jersey or the back?" Our children know what the correct answer is, although, they don't always have the right attitude. I find myself trying to teach my children how to treat others, then I turn around and act unkind to my husband. Ultimately, the children will do what I do, not what I say to do....so when I was at church today, the message spoke so clearly to me how to make my marriage/family solid and to last.
Try this. Draw a triangle. Put your first initial at the bottom left and your spouses first initial at the bottom right. Now write God at the top of the triangle. Now from the bottom of the triangle to the top, write 1)NO DOUBT= trust 2)NO HOLDING BACK= fair fights 3)NO OPTION= good decisions 4)NO EXCUSE= accountability 5)NO TURNING BACK= results
Now study the triangle from bottom to top, and realize that if you and your spouse start from number one and work your way up, you will be working as a team.
Explaination?
Number one, no doubt is when you have complete trust in one another...no secrets, nothing to hide!! (Wow, don't we all have some tiny secret?) No trust= No team! Ask yourself...Can I be trusted? You know the answer to this question, so if you said no, do what you need to do to fix it!
Number 2, no holding back means come clean! When your spouse knows all your secrets, all your feelings...everything you know then you are rowing in the same direction! Now that you have come clean, you can fight fair!! This leads us to the next item....
Number 3, no option....now that you are fighting fair, you can make good decisions TOGETHER!! You are beginning to look more like a team!!
Number 4, no excuse means you are now accountable to one another!! Now that you have come clean (and no longer have separate accounts so that you can hide your purchases, LOL!) you no longer have anything to hide and you and your spouse can talk about anything.
Number 5, no turning back means that you are in it to win it!!!! You are together for the long haul, and why not? Now you have results if you did steps 1-4.
Your goal in life should be to give your spouse no reason to doubt you....but to totally trust you in every aspect of your life. So ask yourself again, "Can I be trusted?" Make sure there are no "locked doors" in your marriage such as lust or money to name a few. And if there are....the best thing you can do is OWN IT. If you never own up to something, it seems people always remember that you were wrong in that situation. But if you ADMIT that you were wrong or that you made a mistake, people tend to forget that it ever happened. Humility goes a long way in your marriage (and other relationships).
Remember: No doubt= Trust! Own your mistakes! Where truth is lacking, trust is lacking. No trust= No team!!
Let's all work towards making our family a team. Our children are smart enough to figure out when we are not working together and they need to see their parents teamwork in order to thrive at school and one day, when they are all grown up, in their own marriage!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
The only course on marriage our children will take is the one in their home
I came across an interesting book from my past that is talking about your relationship with your spouse. I just want to share a few paragraphs from that book that I thought could benefit all of us.
One point the author made was that the husband should love his wife 100 percent and the wife should be 100 percent submissive to her husband. In other words, as the husband loves his wife, she is willing to be submissive to him. As the wife submits to her husband, his love for her will surely grow.
What kind of love should a husband bring?... a strong, stable, mental attitude, always seeking nothing but the highest good for the one he loves. It is a love expressed in word and action that motivates the one being loved to give of herself in return.
Submission is described as a free gift that springs up from within the wife like lifegiving water bubbling up from a fresh well, not something imposed through intimidation or other outside force.
What I gathered from this section is that when you both willingly give your best effort to one another, you both want to give everything you are supposed to (which is whatever the two of you have agreed on, not what society says). If these two attitudes of love and submission are ignored, diffuculty looms ahead.
Another thought that really stood out to me was this..."The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. The home should be the most attractive place in the world to the children, and the mother should be the greatest attraction."
"Without a warm atmosphere in your home and marriage- an atmosphere of love, gererosity, and forgiveness- your children will not know how to love. The only person who knows how to love is the person who has been loved, who has seen love, who has experienced love. The Christian home is a laboratory in which the love of God is demonstrated."
The only way our children can grow up and have healthy relationships is if we teach them how....they are watching us even when we think they are not. It is never too late to have a healthy relationship with your spouse!! The only course on marriage our children will take is the one in their home. Applying heavenly principles to a marriage can produce a heaven on earth!!! I know I want that!
One point the author made was that the husband should love his wife 100 percent and the wife should be 100 percent submissive to her husband. In other words, as the husband loves his wife, she is willing to be submissive to him. As the wife submits to her husband, his love for her will surely grow.
What kind of love should a husband bring?... a strong, stable, mental attitude, always seeking nothing but the highest good for the one he loves. It is a love expressed in word and action that motivates the one being loved to give of herself in return.
Submission is described as a free gift that springs up from within the wife like lifegiving water bubbling up from a fresh well, not something imposed through intimidation or other outside force.
What I gathered from this section is that when you both willingly give your best effort to one another, you both want to give everything you are supposed to (which is whatever the two of you have agreed on, not what society says). If these two attitudes of love and submission are ignored, diffuculty looms ahead.
Another thought that really stood out to me was this..."The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. The home should be the most attractive place in the world to the children, and the mother should be the greatest attraction."
"Without a warm atmosphere in your home and marriage- an atmosphere of love, gererosity, and forgiveness- your children will not know how to love. The only person who knows how to love is the person who has been loved, who has seen love, who has experienced love. The Christian home is a laboratory in which the love of God is demonstrated."
The only way our children can grow up and have healthy relationships is if we teach them how....they are watching us even when we think they are not. It is never too late to have a healthy relationship with your spouse!! The only course on marriage our children will take is the one in their home. Applying heavenly principles to a marriage can produce a heaven on earth!!! I know I want that!
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